Entertainment
Posted Mon, 03/06/2006 - 19:40 by Michael J Smith
Race, sex, sheep, journalists and terrorists. This year’s Oscars had it all. But with all those gay movies, there were even fewer good parts for women than in most years. Felicity Huffman had to play a guy to get nominated. At least, I think she was playing a guy. Maybe it was just a really ugly chick. Whatever. The women go ugly, the men go fat. Oscar me, baby! Oscar me hard!The Red Carpet
Posted Tue, 01/17/2006 - 18:54 by Michael J Smith
The Golden Globes ain’t the Oscars. But they do have one advantage over the Oscars. Almost zero trash awards. Because they give acting awards to both movies and to TV, there just isn’t time for art direction or sound editing. Oh look! There’s Fergie! Anyway, we taped 24 and sat in on The Golden Globes as televised on NBC Monday night.This is what we saw…
Posted Mon, 02/28/2005 - 08:43 by Michael J Smith
If there’s anything I love more than the movies, its award shows. So could there be anything better than the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Science’s annual four-hour film fete? (If your erection lasts longer than the Oscars, seek immediate medical attention.) And this year’s movie mash was looking like the Best Oscars Ever. Kathy Griffin on the red carpet, Chris Rock hosting, and I really couldn’t care less who wins this year’s Best Movie without "Spider-Man 2" in the running. This year it would be all about the cleavage—I mean the couture, of course. And the losers.
Posted Mon, 08/30/2004 - 15:41 by Michael J Smith
Watching the VMAs in Miami, I learned that when your ride is a 50-foot yacht, you don’t have to worry about a designated driver with your own personal Captain Stubbing at the wheel. Watching the pre-show show, I got the feeling everyone burned one on the way over. But the knowledge didn’t stop flowing, it just kept blowin’. Here’s the Top 10 Things I Learned at the 2004 MTV Video Music Awards…
- What’s cooler than cool? First, get an awesome street name like Ludacris. Then have all your peeps call you Luda. That’s ice cold.
Posted Sun, 06/13/2004 - 20:10 by Michael J Smith
Earlier in the week I had learned that MTV would not be showing Eminem’s sweet, sweet moon man when it broadcast the tape of their Movie Awards June 10th. I thought, "If that’s the way they’re going to be, why bother?" After all, wasn’t it Picasso who said, "Nothing says ‘art’ like ass-crack?" It sounded classier in Spanish, of course. Soy un perdidor, baby. Ultimately, I decided to watch for the same reason I watch every year: Couture!
Did I say couture? Silly me! I meant cleavage, of course!
Posted Tue, 03/02/2004 - 01:13 by Michael J Smith
Could I enjoy the 76th Academy Awards with my man Russell Crowe getting disnominated for Captain Jack Aubrey? Well, that was pretty much going to depend on the cleavage—I mean couture—no matter what. On the other hand, Captain Jack Sparrow was nominated, which is cool. Pirates rock! But I can’t help thinking that some Academy members got their Captain Jacks confused in the nominating process. Come on, weren’t you surprised by Johnny Depp’s nom?
This year’s coverage from WavingAlien.com includes…
Posted Tue, 09/02/2003 - 22:52 by Michael J Smith
You must remember this/A kiss is still a kiss… Or is it? Do the fundamental things still apply? MPEGs of Britney and Madonna swapping spit are downloading faster than the Pamela/Tommy Lee video. I admit I was intrigued when the opening bass and drum riff for "Like a Virgin" began playing. After all, I remember the original performance. Every woman in the room was hissing like a cat; every man was drooling like a dog. As for this performance, it's all about the kisses. There was the moment Christina blew a kiss to Britney and then started belting out the chorus.
Posted Sat, 06/07/2003 - 01:42 by Michael J Smith
Since before there was such a thing as rock n roll, since before Sinatra or Valentino—whoever you think of as the first pop icon—rock stars have wanted to be movie stars. And movie stars—like Keanu Reeves and Russell Crowe to name just two—want to be rock stars. Wow! Clearly, these two "dream" jobs lack the kind of intrinsic satisfactions that lead to a fully self-actualized life. Each year, these victims from two parallel worlds of fear, uncertainty, and dread draw near to drool on each other’s shoes. Best of all, they televise it.
The Pre-Show
Posted Mon, 03/24/2003 - 20:23 by Michael J Smith
So, the Red Carpet is frivolous. Or at least inappropriate during wartime. Unlike having an awards show. Hey, it’s a show, and the show must go on. And on and on. But we’ll get to that. The Academy’s sense of decorum aside, I think Joan Rivers has lost her fast-ball, anyway. Did you see her at the Golden Globes? Her creatures off camera laughing at every drop of spittle that fell from her lips only made it worse. Maybe it wasn’t her fault. Maybe that whole Old Europe/New Europe split affected even the Hollywood foreign press.
Posted Wed, 02/26/2003 - 17:51 by Michael J Smith
My spellchecker wants me to correct the Grammys to the Grammies. Or Grammas. Or Gremmies, whatever gremmies are. Anyway, it was a good show, and that’s what counts. But there’s a reason we’re all shocked that Norah Jones won five Grammys (eight in total for her "Come Away With Me" disc). It never should’ve happened. And yet, somehow, it did. How could this be?
Conspiracy Theories
Posted Tue, 02/25/2003 - 09:03 by Michael J Smith
Last Friday, an odd thing happened. The April issue of Sci Fi magazine arrived. Since it was still February, that was odd enough—a science fiction magazine from the future! But it wasn’t what I meant when I said something odd happened. I’ll get to that. The magazine had a two-page article titled "Award to the Wise: If Sci Fi Abducted the Oscars." It listed science fiction/fantasy nominees for Best Picture, Director, Actor, and Actress. And I thought, "Everybody loves the Academy Awards, even nerds."
Posted Tue, 09/24/2002 - 17:06 by Michael J Smith
Maybe it was the strange similarity between the "54" in the show’s title and the infamous Studio 54 logo.
Posted Tue, 09/03/2002 - 17:43 by Michael J Smith
Does a video music award show on MTV qualify as irony? I can’t remember the last time I saw a music video on MTV. When I do surf by, it’s usually "Road Rules" or "Cribs," "DisMissed" or "Sorority Life." I think the last time I watched more than five minutes of MTV was an episode of "Jackass."
Posted Tue, 06/11/2002 - 19:18 by Michael J Smith
Sadly, some people actually take this award seriously. Initially, everyone seemed to get it. The show was a goof. Remember Shatner in the "Se7en" parody? MTV gave their lifetime achievement award to Jason Voorhees one year. Adam Sandler—the man is clearly the Jerry Lewis of his generation—has won four awards; more buckets of golden popcorn than Tom Hanks has Oscars. And yet, some of the winners still read the litany of thank yous to agents, lawyers and studio chiefs.
Posted Wed, 03/27/2002 - 12:12 by Michael J Smith
Posted Tue, 03/26/2002 - 17:41 by Michael J Smith
Warning: This piece is almost as long as the broadcast of the 74th Academy Awards itself, which set a record for length, clocking in at well over four hours.
Posted Tue, 03/12/2002 - 15:35 by Michael J Smith
I think some primeval part of our brain survives, and thank goodness for that. I don't remember anything after TNT started the taped replay of the SAG Awards immediately following the live broadcast. I think my brain just shut down to protect itself from total stultification. It's now a day later, and I'm left with my notes, some intelligible, some not. Let's hope this isn't like reading aloud from the "Necronomicron." The Pre-Show
Posted Mon, 03/04/2002 - 14:35 by Michael J Smith
Everyone's an expert, and yet somehow, everything is still pretty messed up. Television is no different. Lots of geniuses like the venerable Aaron Spelling, and young pups Aaron Sorkin and David E. Kelley work long and hard to bring us the kind of show that even Jeri Ryan can't make me watch. Is it really that hard to make a good show with Jeri Ryan in it? I don't think so...
- Give Bobby Donnell an eye-patch, and, oh yeah, did I mention Jeri Ryan?
Posted Thu, 02/28/2002 - 19:40 by Michael J Smith
The Grammy Awards suffer from the fact that so many musicians are involved, but it is a remarkable facsimile of an awards show. Gotta be there, for some of it, anyway...The Pre-Show
Like a car crash junky at a NASCAR race, I can't help myself. Do I watch because of Joan Rivers, or in spite of her?
Posted Tue, 01/22/2002 - 19:59 by Michael J Smith
I'm a sucker for awards shows, and there's really none better than The Golden Globes, the annual film awards presented by Hollywood's foreign press. First of all, they serve dinner and drinks to the nominees (a lot of drinks, apparently). Secondly, they just stick to the basics (actor, actress, writer, score, director, and movie), eliminating all the "trash" awards presented to people who work behind the camera for a reason.
Posted Mon, 11/19/2001 - 17:57 by Michael J Smith
The Pashtun and the Uzbeks don’t see eye to eye on much, but one thing they do agree on is George Clooney...
Operation Enduring Box Office
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Posted Thu, 11/01/2001 - 16:06 by Michael J Smith
It gets harder and harder to get out to the movies these days. Still, thanks to the trailers shown on TV, I can vicariously experience features in 60 seconds-some times as little as 30-saving nearly three hours of precious uptime (when you add travel time to the multiplex to the movie's running time). Here are some recent releases..."Shallow Hal"
It turns out that inner beauty is every bit as anorexically thin as outer beauty.
Posted Thu, 10/25/2001 - 15:40 by Michael J Smith
I've been watching that werewolf show on CBS, "Wolf Lake." It may be the worst show of the new season, or simply the most mocked. But I hope CBS sticks with it, because after a rough start, I'm starting to like this show. Maybe it's true that in matters of taste there are no disagreements. Or maybe this is just one of those shows that's so bad, it's good. In a quaintly rural burg that seems more Bavarian than Willamette Valley, most of the townsfolk are shapeshifters; all the townsfolk with speaking parts, anyway.
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