Essays

     I wonder how many people actually achieve their dreams as they grow older. While I never wanted to be an Astronaut or anything like that, I do have a few unfulfilled dreams. If life begins at forty like they say, then I still have some time left to become a gray hair or bald headed rock musician, or pot bellied artist living in a secluded commune somewhere...  

Did you know that there is a mathematical formula to deciding whether a sequel will be made? Sequels generally make about a third of what the previous movie made. There are exceptions, we all know: Aliens, The Empire Strikes Back, American Pie 2, etc. But this is how “They” figure it: If they can make a sequel for less than a third of what the previous movie brought in, the sequel is sure to make money. So it is produced. Personally, from an artistic standpoint, this logic is kinda gross. But that’s just my opinion.

Being a child has it's advantages. I don't mean to imply that it is all fun and games, nor would I rather be a child again. I mean being and adult has it's own advantages as well. Let's run through a few things and see how being a child stacks up with being an adult shall we?Making your bed.

I had to make my bed when I was a child. I don't have to do that now, my wife does it. I like an un-made bed just fine, and if my wife didn't make the bed, that would be fine, but she insists. Chalk one up for being an adult, I don't have to make my bed.

The grass in the dog pen is already knee high. The onion grass is ankle high. It's spring and once again the time of year humans come out of hibernation to do battle with natures spring growth. The absolute worse thing about spring is the fact that nature has had its way with your yard for the past three to five months, depending on where you live. You can't just go out there and start mowing the lawn. There are rituals you have to perform first.

    He called my name with that same sarcastic tone he seemed to have reserved just for me. I glanced at the equation on the board and answered promptly. He narrowed his eyes and in a slightly louder voice asked me another related question. Again, I answered correctly. He turned to the board and in short agitated strokes wrote out another more complicated equation. He turned back to me and smiled his very best shark smile. So I gave him my answer, the right answer, even though I knew it wouldn't change a thing.

    Why don't you ever hear any good ghost stories? I don't mean ghost stories that are good stories. I mean ghost stories about good ghosts. I suppose there are some out there. Good ghosts I mean. Like the ghost truck driver who changes the old lady's tire, only when she describes him to friends, she finds out he was killed in an accident ten years ago.    I would like to think that ghosts would be more friendly than their reputation suggests. I mean, every dead person doesn't get the chance to come back as a ghost do they?

    How often did you say "It's not fair" when you were a kid? My idea of 'fair' when I was a kid only encompassed what I wanted to do. If it was something I didn't want to do, then it wasn't fair. As I grew older, I had hoped that I would find that it was a childhood thing, and that things would seem much more 'fair' through my eyes as an adult. I was wrong.

    My wife and I didn't think it was all that cold when we left the house that early evening in December. December in North Carolina is not all that cold when compared to the northern states like New York where we were originally from. No, I didn't walk to school, five miles, uphill both ways, in my bare feet in two feet of snow. But I was born and raised up north, and you knew it was cold when the Chemung River iced over.