Humor
Posted Sat, 02/16/2008 - 07:45 by Hal Tenny
Heres a little something going around on the net. Tewa received this in an email from a cousin. I don't even know if 'The Hollywood Squares' is still on TV or not, but that is where this came from. If you don't get a kick out of this, there's something seriously wrong with you...
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Posted Sat, 09/08/2007 - 13:30 by Tewa
September 12, 2007
A small independent video production company,
Five Guys With Pretty Good Equipment, has released a report of their analysis of the September 7, 2007 Bin Laden tape and declared it to be a fake.The company’s VP, Bill Smithers says that while he does
not dispute U.S. intelligence reports that confirm the
authenticity of Bin Ladens’ voice, the man seen on the
video tape is definitely not Bid Laden.
"I don’t know how anybody can look at that
tape and not go, like – wow, that is so not Bin Laden.
Posted Sun, 08/14/2005 - 02:23 by Tewa
Great Britain Threatens Extraordinary Rendition To the U.S.
London Times
Another secret Downing Street memo has recently surfaced. In it, Prime Minister Tony Blair is quoted as saying that all detainees should be told that if they won't cooperate with British authorities they will be sent to the United States for questioning.A short paragraph at the very bottom of the memo notes that rendition to the U.S. is actually out of the question since the Bush Administration refuses to give written assurances that the detainees will not be tortured.
Posted Mon, 07/18/2005 - 07:58 by Hal Tenny
This article contains some sexual language. If that might offend you, stop reading this right now.
I find it quite entertaining how creative Spammers have gotten in order to get you to read their messages. They use a variety of tactics designed to take advantage of not only your own weakness, whether it be sexual, financial or whatever, but also your computers software shortcomings as well.
Posted Sat, 01/22/2005 - 17:18 by Tewa
May 1,2005
Although the ink has barely dried on last month's Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe VS Wade; Congress is already hard at work developing what is being called a "program and set of procedures" to ensure that no illegal abortions occur.
Posted Thu, 07/29/2004 - 16:53 by Hal Tenny
There have been several top ten lists on Waving Alien in the past. I believe Michael (The Mike) has done them all. Having just recently enjoyed a birthday last month, and not looking forward to a certain milestone birthday next year, I have been thinking more and more about the tell tail signs of aging that are suddenly appearing. Well, sudden might be a bit misleading, I have been feeling old for quite sometime actually.
Posted Mon, 06/28/2004 - 19:41 by Hal Tenny
Posted Fri, 06/18/2004 - 17:01 by Hal Tenny
It appears that somehow, word has leaked out to Tiki Man that work has begun on the Tiki Goddess. As you can see, he eagerly awaits her arrival... Somehow I doubt we will be getting much co-operation from him in the near future.
Posted Tue, 04/13/2004 - 18:56 by Hal Tenny
In response to what is sure to become one of the most treacherous, diabolical schemes ever put forth by a gender of people in the history of human kind, over five million arrest warrants were issued today on behalf of worried husbands...
Posted Wed, 01/28/2004 - 03:16 by Hal Tenny
Once again, the crack staff here at Waving Alien has scooped the world! After intensive study of the recently released Mars Exploration Rover Opportunity's panoramic photo dated 1-27-04, we were able to clearly discern the fossilized remains of what was probably a Tyrannosaurus-rex...
The photo below (just a small portion of the panoramic view) shows what was described by JPL as "...volcanic ash deposits, or sediments laid down by wind or water."
Posted Fri, 01/23/2004 - 02:16 by Hal Tenny
I listen to NPR (National Public Radio) every morning on the way to work, and every evening on the way home. I'm a news junkie, but I rarely watch television. Network news is a bit too theatrical for me I guess. Imagine how surprised I was to find out the other day that former president Bush Sr. doesn't consider me an American citizen. I must have had my head buried in a hole all the way to hell in the year of '87 when he said as a vice president, "No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots.
Posted Fri, 01/16/2004 - 15:00 by Hal Tenny
Here's a little medical humor sent to us from Vesta!
Out of mouths of doctors:
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
***
Posted Wed, 12/10/2003 - 04:17 by Admin
Ladies of days gone by: If a lady accidentally over-salts a dish while it's still cooking, she drops in a peeled potato and it absorbs the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
Women of today: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."
Ladies of days gone by: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The headache throbbing will go away.
Posted Sat, 11/29/2003 - 10:26 by Admin
These excerpts are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Posted Sun, 10/19/2003 - 14:13 by Hal Tenny
Sent to us from my sister in New York...
Are you tired of all those sissy, mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship...
1. When you are sad, ...I will get you drunk and will help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue, ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, ...I'll know you finally got laid.
Posted Fri, 09/12/2003 - 03:43 by Admin
Start your day with a smile! Thanks to WaterDragon for passing this along!
Bush/Cheney '04 "Bumpersnickers"
Bush/Cheney '04: "You're either with us or against us!"
Bush/Cheney '04: Apocalypse Now!
Bush/Cheney '04: Because the truth just isn't good enough.
Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate Colonialism
Bush/Cheney '04: Deja-voodoo all over again!
Bush/Cheney '04: Four More Wars!
Bush/Cheney '04: Leave no billionaire behind
Posted Wed, 06/25/2003 - 23:38 by Hal Tenny
Here's some humorous stuff that Vesta sent about moving on towards the twilight of your life. Hope you all have a healthy sense of humor... If you don't, then you had better find some before you get to your twilight years!
People over 30 should be dead.
Posted Sun, 06/22/2003 - 16:16 by Hal Tenny
I'm not cheap, I'm thrifty. I've made it a point to learn as much as I can about everything so that I will be prepared to meet any and all challenges that confront me during the course of life. Things like rebuilding engines, building rocks and digging swimming pools...
What possible use could there be to learning how to build rocks? It doesn't matter. The point is that if the need arises, I can do it. I don't have to buy them, I build them instead.
Posted Tue, 06/17/2003 - 22:13 by Hal Tenny
Sunday was Fathers Day. Happy Fathers Day to all you fathers out there. I'm a father, though I find that I was mistaken on how the whole deal works. I thought when the kids grew up, they would move along and get on with their own lives. I had it all planned out on how I was going to use the extra space in our house when they turned eighteen and moved out. Well, they both turned eighteen the previous century and I'm still waiting...
Posted Wed, 06/04/2003 - 23:33 by Hal Tenny
It's amazing how friendly strangers can become when they find you have something in common with them. It could be anything from owning a John Deere lawn tractor to collecting knives...
I have a neighbor across the street that I have never spoken to in the ten years we have lived in our house. I bought a John Deere lawn tractor and the first day I pulled it out of the garage to mow the lawn, he walked across the street to talk to me. He has a John Deere tractor as well you see...
Posted Fri, 05/23/2003 - 00:59 by Hal Tenny
Here's something Vesta sent in that she spotted on "The Nation" web site. Gotta love it!
From Katrina vanden Heuvel's weblog in The Nation Online
Here's a joke I'd like to see connected to the news stories that inspired it. It's from one of my favorite comedians--Chris Rock:
Posted Sat, 05/10/2003 - 12:05 by Hal Tenny
Here's some Literary Taunts Vesta sent. Not sure where she snagged them from but I thought you might get a laugh out of them. I sure did... There's a bunch more if you click the more link!
"A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults."
- Louis Nizer
"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man & worships his creator."
- John Bright
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
Posted Fri, 02/21/2003 - 20:59 by Hal Tenny
Future Shock! The news you may or may not want to see in the not to distant future.
At last count, the United States had over three million troops massed in Kuwait awaiting the United Nations decision on whether to attack Iraq or not. The massive military build up has been going on for over ten years now, and France still thinks the weapons inspectors should be given more time to do their job.
Posted Tue, 12/10/2002 - 19:17 by Hal Tenny
In keeping with Tewa's recent UFO news item below, I figured I would do up a little UFO story as well. Fiction, of course. To set the scene, picture Tenny's Tavern with a selection of old and young people both, having a few beers, and talking about the papers released by the British concerning the Rendlesham forest incident and Steven Spielberg's - Taken...
Abe: "Hey!"
Pops: "Hey what?"
Abe: "No, not hey? I mean hey!"
Pops: "Oh, I thought you wanted somethin'..."
Abe: "So, what ya think about the Rendlesham papers eh Pops?"
Posted Mon, 12/02/2002 - 16:50 by Admin
To brighten up your Monday - must have bumper stickers!
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
Tewa
Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
Thank You For Pot Smoking.
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
Posted Wed, 10/16/2002 - 17:31 by Tewa
It's the time of year when we all need to be reminded of our Halloween Safety Tips.
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never (ever) read a book of demon summoning aloud, not even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
Posted Wed, 10/02/2002 - 16:08 by Tewa
Charlotte Observer: October 31, 2002
North Carolina Senatorial candidate Elizabeth 'Liddy' Dole had to be helped off the stage today at the Wilkes County Fall Bazaar.
Posted Tue, 09/17/2002 - 18:28 by Hal Tenny
Headline: Washington Post
January 12, 2013
Rockem' Sockem' Saddam
In an attempt to settle their differences once and for all, former president George Bush and Saddam Hussein have agreed to a celebrity boxing match. If Bush wins, he gets Iraq, and if Saddam wins, he gets Texas. Somehow, despite a devastating attack on Iraq by the US led UN coalition in late 2002, Saddam still remaines in power.
Posted Fri, 08/23/2002 - 17:46 by Vesta
Here's something for you circulating in e-mail!
IDIOTS IN SERVICE
This week, My phone went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email. I asked him, "Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?"
Posted Wed, 08/14/2002 - 18:22 by Hal Tenny
This piece is a bit off color and may offend some readers. While this warning may seem like a blatant lure to get readers to read something, that is not my intention. I poke fun at certain respected,(for the most part) professions, namely priests and doctors, and just wanted to warn you...Bulletin
