The Feel Of Death

I wanted to see what it felt like for myself. The icy cold finger of death pressed against my own forehead, steady and with just enough pressure to assure the one on the receiving end that I was in complete control. Just like I always do it. They're not people; they're just... jobs. It's what I do.
So I held the gun to my own head. It wasn't loaded. I have a kid you see. Loaded guns and kids don't mix. Not that I leave my tools of the trade laying around for him to get hold of or anything like that. And besides, it's not something I discuss with the wife and kids over dinner, or anywhere else for that matter. They think I'm a salesman. Why shouldn't they, it's what I tell them. They don't even know I have a gun in the house.

Sometimes I feel pretty small lying to them all the time. I do have a sense of values though. It's not like I'll take just any job. I have to know who's ticket I'm punching and why. Then I do my own little research and decide if I can live with it. Sounds funny doesn't it? Me worrying about if I can live with the death that I deliver door to door, or not. I guess I am a salesman of sorts after all. The ones I go after have already bought and paid for my visit long ago.

No one had ever held a gun to my head. That's why I was wondering what it was like. I suppose If I really wanted to feel what it was like, I would have to load the gun. Maybe with just one bullet... and then give the cylinder a spin for kicks. That would be stupid. Yeah, but it sure would allow me to experience something more akin to what my unwilling clients feel, wouldn't it?

Nah, I guess I'm not that curious after all. Only an idiot would put a loaded gun to their head, even if there were only one bullet in it. Now, let's see what it feels like when I pull the trigger...
* * *

"Mom?"

"What is it, Billy?"

"Why does father have a gun?"

"I didn't know he had one. Did you see him with a gun?"

"No. I was looking in his desk for some batteries and found it."

"I know he keeps that desk locked."

"Well it wasn't locked this time, mom."

"You didn't touch it did you, Billy? It might have been loaded!"

"No mom, it wasn't loaded when I found it. I was careful."

"What do you mean it wasn't loaded when you found it?"

"Well, I thought I would save father some time, and load it for him so it would be ready the next time he needed it."
* * *

Click...

Wow, what a rush! I can't believe this. I actually broke out in a sweat; even knowing the damn thing is empty! Jesus! I can't imagine how it must really feel, all those poor bastards I put out of their misery. Probably praying to God my gun jams or that I'm just playing around and it isn't loaded... I've got to try it again!
* * *

"Jeeze, mom, I don't know! I mean, I checked it and stuff. It was empty. But there were a few bullets right there in the drawer, and I wanted to see how they fit, you know?"

"So you loaded it? Why on earth would you mess with that thing?"

"No! I didn't load it!"

"You just said you did, Billy!"

"I mean it's not loaded full, there were only three bullets and it holds six..."
* * *

Click...

This is unreal. I could just barely pull the trigger that time. It's like I know what this gun would do to me if it were loaded. My head would simply explode. There's absolutely no doubt that I can collect my pay check after I pull the trigger on one of my jobs. Can't say where as I much care for the feeling. Maybe I should do it just once more to put myself more in touch with my clientele...
* * *

"Billy! We have to go tell your father right now! Somebody could get hurt!"

"God no, mom! He'll kill me!"

"What are you talking about? I thought you said you were just helping him?"

"I know, but maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. He's going to be mad, isn't he?"

"It doesn't matter. We have to tell him anyway. Now hurry up. Let's go!"
* * *

Billy led the way and slammed open the door of his fathers study.

Click...

"Oh my god! Dad! What are you doing?"

"Shit! Oh, hey there guys! What brings you two barging in here?"

"Phil! What are you doing with that gun? Billy said..."

"What, oh this thing you mean. Uh, don't worry, Sally, it's not real. Um, and even if it were, it wouldn't be loaded. Here, let me show you...

KABOOM!

The End