I kind of wish I had gone to college

     I kind of wish I had gone to college. Someplace like the University of California, Berkeley or Harvard. Then I could simply claim I acted 'stupidly' when I got arrested for disorderly conduct or imprisoned for crossing over a contries border illegally. I'm sure my higher education would even have taught me how to act indignant about it in a properly 'stupid' manner...

     Hey! I've got an idea! Lets go back packing on the border between Iraq and Iran. I hear that the border is not marked clearly in the area we will go hiking. Fact is, I heard it isn't marked at all but I'm sure our University of California, Berkeley degrees will keep us safe.

     But wait, I think to myself, isn't there another place on the planet a bit safer where we could hike without the fear of crossing into another country that isn't openly hostile to the United states? Sure, but what's the fun in that. Besides, we can just claim stupidity and the US government will come to our rescue.

     The parents are thinking, I didn't raise my child to be stupid like that. No, you didn't. Berkeley must have taught them how to act stupid all on their own.

     Obviously, you have to be concerned for the wellbeing of the three former students who are now being held in Iran. I also can't help but think they are arrogant and stupid too. Especially arrogant.

     Of course, I don't know all the facts. I don't need to know all the facts. The facts I do know are that Iran has a history of arresting foreign journalists, the hikers were warned that the Iraq, Iran border was not marked clearly, the Iranian government is openly hostile to the US and the three hikers are arrogant and acted stupidly.

     And now on to something really important and meaningful in our lives. Paper towels. Some company --- I'm not sure which company because I keep forgetting to check the paper towel wrappers before they get thrown out --- has come up with the ingeniously devious plan of making their sheets of paper towels one third smaller than a normal sheet. It's probably marketed as the perfect size for smaller spills.

     Now I think my reasoning is right in assuming the following:

1. If the sheets are smaller, there are more sheets in a roll. Marketing ploy? One third more sheets per roll than the leading brand!
2. Marketing ploy? Clean 33% more spills!
3. Marketing ploy? Save our environment! Less waste per clean up!
4. Perfect size for the smaller spills of your grand children.

     This is all bullshit of course. Let's face it, One normal sized paper towel is barely big enough to dry your hands after washing them. With the undersized sheets, you may as well forget it. You automatically grab two sheets. Now you have used the equivalent of one full sheet and one third of another sheet for the same job you would normally have only used one full sheet of the normal sized paper towel.

     You see? You are using the under sized sheets at a rate of one third faster. So this is the true marketing ploy:

1. Consumers use product one third faster resulting in a one third net gain in sales and profits.
2. There is no such thing as smaller spills when you have two grand children running around the house. And even if the spills were smaller, there are five times the number of spills.
3. Consumers are idiots and think they are getting a bargain with one third more sheets.
4. US consumers waste more natural resources than any other nation on the planet. Particularly if you give them a supposedly valid reason for doing so.
5. Consumers are idiots...

     Oh, I already said that. This paper towel company reminds me of the paper plate company I ranted about a few years back. They make their paper plates so that two stick together almost every time you go to grab one. Rather than take the time to separate them, you just take two using their product at twice the rate of what is normal.

     I think the paper towel company has something to learn from the paper plate company. They simply are not devious enough...